it was cold and rainy when I finally decided it was time
the thought drifted but action was never approached
it had been two long years and my mind was racing and my hands were shaking
not knowing if it was the right thing to do was frightening and overwhelming and almost unbearable
there were good times and there were bad times but which outweighed the other? which way did my heart sway? it was cold and bitter
I had a sense of unhappiness taking over my soul
taking over my mind
taking over my world
there was nothing more for me in the place I resided for so long and this is why I knew I must get out
I must get out so quickly and I must create a new life
I was confused and afraid and alone even when I was not alone
the unhappiness grew with each passing day
money was a problem and smiling was a problem and love? even love came to be a problem
I dreaded the days when I would see his face approaching me in fear that something was not the way he preferred
that anything was not the way he preferred
constant nail biting and nerve wrecking and tears falling
what could I do wrong next? the question constantly in my head
my friends in the distance and my family in the distance
drifting away like a ship at sail
get out they warned
just leave this place and his face and the dismay you feel every day
is this wrong or is this right or am I crazy or are they crazy or is this all just an overreaction
it was cold and rainy when I finally decided it was time
the air was bitter like my heart and the wind stung like a disturbed bee stung my heart every day
there was no stopping the words that rolled off my tongue that night
there was no stopping the tears that rolled off his face that night
my heart was full and ready to burst like a balloon
what I said next was not chosen and it was not thought out and it was not easy and it was not nice
I could hear the deep voice that would soon be wailing at me in confusion and heartbreak and cold cold sadness
that was the night that I had no filter and that was the night that I freed myself from a jail I had once long ago placed myself in
it was the beginning of a new beginning and me? I could not wait to start over
it was hard and it was confusing and it was beautiful all in one
it was cold and rainy when I finally decided it was time
it was finally time to be happyThis Camera Eye describes my two year relationship with my now ex boyfriend. It was one of the biggest parts of my life. It had a huge impact on how I lived and felt every day, and I just recently got out of the relationship. I feel like this is a new beginning for me and a transition on how I lived and my identity as a whole.
Erica, from this I can get a real idea of what you had and what you ended with this man. I can feel the anger you must had for him during that time. Its hard to think of what you went through, not in what happened but just that it happened. I'm glad to see you had become happy again after such bitterness. An experience such as that must've been rough to deal with.
ReplyDeleteErica I absolutely love this. I can feel the emotion from the very beginning. The tone is so real and presentable. The part that stuck out to me the most was that it was cold and rainy when you decided. Cold and rainy aren't necessarily exciting or lovable adjectives. To me it lets me know as the reader this experience was in no way easy and that it was very difficult to deal with.
ReplyDeleteErica,
ReplyDeleteCOURAGE is the word I would use to describe your story. What a wonderful testimony of a strong woman who sees her life being consumed with an unhealthy relationship and is able to stop the cycle of disappointment and frustration. When you spoke of your unhappiness the line that stuck in my mind was “money was a problem and smiling was a problem and love? even love came to be a problem” . Love is not “normally” the problem in relationships. It showed me that you felt unable to compromise in the relationship any longer. Your words were eloquent and your sadness felt. It’s a wonderful day to be FREE!